Musings and Prose of Greg Gough

An opportunity to experience my world

Archive for December, 2009

Far more impactful than November 1st…

Posted by ggough56 on December 4, 2009

Tonight is bittersweet.  I’m less than 24 hours from a date that I have been both dreading and longing for.  It’s that way for many reasons.  I’ve been dreading it because it’s hard to say good-bye.  It’s hard to say farewell to what’s come before.  I’m not supposed to live in what I’ve known before…and I hope to not.  It’s a longing because I’ve wanted to move beyond and move past.  I’ve wanted to move far beyond what the United States will allow me.  I suppose this is the first step.  It’s not just about what my government will do for me, but it’s what I’m willing to do personally, in my own world.  Don’t ask for legal responsibility that is more than what you care to bear.  It’s not about romance and love.  It might be about intimate and non-sexual…so was the answer.  More importantly, it’s the hope to move beyond what I was once before.

I’m inclined to believe what people tell me…correction, I was inclined to believe what people tell me.  I think we all suffer this consequence in our even most intimate…..and non-sexual…..relationships.  What does that mean anyway?  Well so, what I mean is that we want to believe what people tell us.  I’m someone who wants to believe in the best for people and I’m hopeful.  I’m not hopeful enough to pay the price for what others are not willing to bear.  I’ve learned the hard way and I’m glad that I have learned.  There isn’t really a price that I’ve paid monetarily, but I’ve certainly paid what was important to me.

When you make an agreement it’s important to abide in it, not just for now, but for always.  It doesn’t matter if the first of the month falls on the wrong day or if the wind is blowing your dress in the wrong direction.  What  matters is that you kept your promise and your agreement.  If you can’t keep it, then you should try to work it out and come up with an alternate agreement.  If you are not able to do this, then you have suffered the worse fate.  You have suffered that others must carry your burden.  You have mandated that, since you are not able to, others will carry your burden.  No court or jurisdiction can remove this obligation.  It is woven into the fabric of you.  The fabric that you must choose to disrobe yourself of.  Clothe yourself in what you desire.

I look forward to a very late start to my day, maybe awakening to Syrah licking my feet.  Maybe feeling refreshed.  I hope for a journey to the bathroom as I prepare myself to face the day.  I look into the mirror and face me.  I’ve faced myself since 2003, honestly.  I didn’t always face myself so honestly.  I hope to have a wonderful Maryland blue lump crap dish at Sundance Grill, before I head on with the business of my day.  There is not much business that I will accomplish, but it will be all the business I intend to accomplish tomorrow.

Moving from one era to another must be trying.  When a structure is built in which you can be known and that is abused and misunderstood and all you’ve left to do is bleed to make it real.  I hope that I can make it real for those that will need it to be real one day.

Mykha’el, or whatever your name is.  I hope you are well and I hope that you have all the blessing that you open yourself to.  I understand that we don’t always do what we know is best, but I don’t understand why we continue to live in what we know is not best.

How can I blame you when I believed all of what you said?

Please watch the movie, “The Informant!”.  It is very well done and it tells a priceless story of what we continue to do to each other.  Tell lies and believe the lies we’re told.  From day one, so I’m told, we have believed the lies….and continued to lie ever since.

If you can stop yourself from lying…..you have done a wonderful thing for all of us who come after you.

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