Musings and Prose of Greg Gough

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Archive for January, 2009

The kiss that was a relationship

Posted by ggough56 on January 20, 2009

More than 13 months ago I was in a relationship.  Let me explain.

A man came up to me and kissed me with his open mouth as I stood by and did nothing to stop him.  Several people around us were observing and found this to be very disturbing.  Not only had this man come across the room to kiss me, but also he threatened my personal space.  I did nothing about it at the time.  I told him that I’d like to talk with him about this and we did have some conversation that was quite good.  I assured him that he didn’t need to worry about coming out to me, if that was the case.  He assured me that he was trying to throw me off guard because he was bothered by things I was saying.

We continued in relationship for sometime, we actually grew rather close.  Our commitment to further on in our relationship was quite astounding to me.  I was quite assured that our relationship might not go anywhere worthwhile.  All the while, he would do things and I would do things, just as tokens and expressions of our desire to keep growing together.  All the while, choosing different things to do and choosing different ways to express.

At some point, there was a line crossed and he was dating me.  Well, honestly, our relationship was nothing like a dating relationship, but it had become such to him.  I was quite perplexed at the situation because I was so sure that we wouldn’t end up there.  Quite honestly, I wasn’t interested in him quite like that and I was assured that he wasn’t interested in that way toward me.  He assured me he was straight.

Well, then I thought about our kiss.  I thought about our desire to grow close and our conversations.  I thought about how all of this pointed at the destination that we found ourselves in, in a dating relationship.  Well, now it wasn’t a dating relationship and by this I mean that it was.  I was horrified!  I was not interested in this at all.

We had some conversations in the months after that and it only left itself dead ended.  I thought he should come out, but he insisted that our relationship was quite fine and that I was reading into things.  I assured him that we kissed and I told him that many people witnessed this.  I assured him that we talked about growing close and doing things to keep us growing close.  He agreed with me and disagreed with our assesment.

In the end, I have to say that I don’t talk to this guy anymore because he couldn’t understand that he created a dating relationship with me whether or not he wanted to.  He really wouldn’t see it correctly and accurately.  I can’t say I’m happy about my choice to part ways, but it wasn’t going to happen any other way, he would not understand.  I think this happens with lots of men that remain closeted about homosexuality.

As I assesed my world after all this transpired, I discovered that all of my relationships in my life had been insulted by this one.  What I mean is that this man had the audacity to be in a dating relationship with me and then flat-out deny that it was true, it’s like all honesty had departed.  My other relationships, dating and otherwise, found themselves insulted because they were built upon a different type of foundation than my relationship with this man.  It’s like this man created his own reality and his actions with me backed up his reality.

I would like to issue an apology to all the people I’ve dated, because my relationship with this man has been insulting to you.  As well, I’d like to issue an apology to all the people that I’ve not dated, because my relationship with this man has been insulting to you as well.

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